If you're reading this... I guess I'm gone. There are lots of things I wish I could've told you, and I really want to. Before, I wasn't sure how you'd react... but you were my best friend here. I figure I'd rather tell you this in person, but I guess that won't happen now. So... where to begin.
Do you remember that ghost story I told? It was true. All of it. Cie'th, they're real. I've seen them myself, had to fight them. I watched my friends become them, because Fang couldn't become a monster by herself. But Cie'th are born when a l'Cie fails their focus... so you should know that before I become Luxerion's Saint, I too was a l'Cie.
When I woke from my first crystal sleep, I did something horrible. Really terrible. Even though it worked out in the end, it still weighs heavily on my mind and my heart. This boy... I had to brand him. Make him into a l'Cie, with a Focus, just like me and Fang. I traveled with his Daddy, and I nearly died at his hand, but he refused to kill me, even after I made his son a l'Cie.
Things got a little better... but then they got worse. We fought a Fal'Cie, a god. And we won. But Cocoon was plummeting into Gran Pulse. Fang and I, we combined to make Ragnarok. We held up Cocoon, asleep inside the crystal pillar. And then I woke up again. I could hear the souls of the dead, and it was torture. The absolute worst form of torment I could ever imagine. But I could save them! I could bring them all salvation... if I sacrificed myself to do it.
I pushed Fang away, because I was stupid and foolish. She wanted to find a different way to do the Soulsong, but I refused. I realize now I didn't have to refuse. I could have kept Fang by my side, the only person who understood me. But... I didn't. And I regret it every day.
So, that's my story. It's a real doozy, huh? I'm sorry for piling all this onto you. I just don't want to keep secrets anymore. Secrets, lies, they're all too much. I've made too many, and I wish I could have gone back to make things right. I wish I could have gone to your home, to see it and see the place you love. And to meet all your friends! I bet they're really great, if they have someone amazing like you as a friend.
I guess... I told you all that because I know you're probably having those thoughts, still. Of being a burden. Of being useless, worthless. Heck, I think you're one of the strongest people here. People sometimes don't see their own strength, but the people they're closest to, who they love and are loved by in return, see it. I see it in you, from that speech you gave to Killidia to the little things. Friendship bracelets. A cup of tea. A meal. Anyway... leaning on people, that's not weakness. Having people to rely on, to turn to in times of need, that's never a negative thing. I hope you keep that in mind. I'm pretty confident you will.
I'm still working through a lot of my issues, and I read in one of those books in the library that you can't love someone until you love yourself. I think that's kind of nonsense! Because, well, I don't love myself, exactly, but I love a lot of people here. Like you. If you were my sister... heck, I'd be happier than a sheep with a field full of the richest, greenest grass.
Stay safe, okay? And keep that boy of yours close. Don't make the mistakes I did.
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Orihime
Do you remember that ghost story I told? It was true. All of it. Cie'th, they're real. I've seen them myself, had to fight them. I watched my friends become them, because Fang couldn't become a monster by herself. But Cie'th are born when a l'Cie fails their focus... so you should know that before I become Luxerion's Saint, I too was a l'Cie.
When I woke from my first crystal sleep, I did something horrible. Really terrible. Even though it worked out in the end, it still weighs heavily on my mind and my heart. This boy... I had to brand him. Make him into a l'Cie, with a Focus, just like me and Fang. I traveled with his Daddy, and I nearly died at his hand, but he refused to kill me, even after I made his son a l'Cie.
Things got a little better... but then they got worse. We fought a Fal'Cie, a god. And we won. But Cocoon was plummeting into Gran Pulse. Fang and I, we combined to make Ragnarok. We held up Cocoon, asleep inside the crystal pillar. And then I woke up again. I could hear the souls of the dead, and it was torture. The absolute worst form of torment I could ever imagine. But I could save them! I could bring them all salvation... if I sacrificed myself to do it.
I pushed Fang away, because I was stupid and foolish. She wanted to find a different way to do the Soulsong, but I refused. I realize now I didn't have to refuse. I could have kept Fang by my side, the only person who understood me. But... I didn't. And I regret it every day.
So, that's my story. It's a real doozy, huh? I'm sorry for piling all this onto you. I just don't want to keep secrets anymore. Secrets, lies, they're all too much. I've made too many, and I wish I could have gone back to make things right. I wish I could have gone to your home, to see it and see the place you love. And to meet all your friends! I bet they're really great, if they have someone amazing like you as a friend.
I guess... I told you all that because I know you're probably having those thoughts, still. Of being a burden. Of being useless, worthless. Heck, I think you're one of the strongest people here. People sometimes don't see their own strength, but the people they're closest to, who they love and are loved by in return, see it. I see it in you, from that speech you gave to Killidia to the little things. Friendship bracelets. A cup of tea. A meal. Anyway... leaning on people, that's not weakness. Having people to rely on, to turn to in times of need, that's never a negative thing. I hope you keep that in mind. I'm pretty confident you will.
I'm still working through a lot of my issues, and I read in one of those books in the library that you can't love someone until you love yourself. I think that's kind of nonsense! Because, well, I don't love myself, exactly, but I love a lot of people here. Like you. If you were my sister... heck, I'd be happier than a sheep with a field full of the richest, greenest grass.
Stay safe, okay? And keep that boy of yours close. Don't make the mistakes I did.
Love,
Vanille