If you're reading this... I guess I'm gone. There are lots of things I wish I could've told you, and I really want to. Before, I wasn't sure how you'd react... but you were my best friend here. I figure I'd rather tell you this in person, but I guess that won't happen now. So... where to begin.
Do you remember that ghost story I told? It was true. All of it. Cie'th, they're real. I've seen them myself, had to fight them. I watched my friends become them, because Fang couldn't become a monster by herself. But Cie'th are born when a l'Cie fails their focus... so you should know that before I become Luxerion's Saint, I too was a l'Cie.
When I woke from my first crystal sleep, I did something horrible. Really terrible. Even though it worked out in the end, it still weighs heavily on my mind and my heart. This boy... I had to brand him. Make him into a l'Cie, with a Focus, just like me and Fang. I traveled with his Daddy, and I nearly died at his hand, but he refused to kill me, even after I made his son a l'Cie.
Things got a little better... but then they got worse. We fought a Fal'Cie, a god. And we won. But Cocoon was plummeting into Gran Pulse. Fang and I, we combined to make Ragnarok. We held up Cocoon, asleep inside the crystal pillar. And then I woke up again. I could hear the souls of the dead, and it was torture. The absolute worst form of torment I could ever imagine. But I could save them! I could bring them all salvation... if I sacrificed myself to do it.
I pushed Fang away, because I was stupid and foolish. She wanted to find a different way to do the Soulsong, but I refused. I realize now I didn't have to refuse. I could have kept Fang by my side, the only person who understood me. But... I didn't. And I regret it every day.
So, that's my story. It's a real doozy, huh? I'm sorry for piling all this onto you. I just don't want to keep secrets anymore. Secrets, lies, they're all too much. I've made too many, and I wish I could have gone back to make things right. I wish I could have gone to your home, to see it and see the place you love. And to meet all your friends! I bet they're really great, if they have someone amazing like you as a friend.
I guess... I told you all that because I know you're probably having those thoughts, still. Of being a burden. Of being useless, worthless. Heck, I think you're one of the strongest people here. People sometimes don't see their own strength, but the people they're closest to, who they love and are loved by in return, see it. I see it in you, from that speech you gave to Killidia to the little things. Friendship bracelets. A cup of tea. A meal. Anyway... leaning on people, that's not weakness. Having people to rely on, to turn to in times of need, that's never a negative thing. I hope you keep that in mind. I'm pretty confident you will.
I'm still working through a lot of my issues, and I read in one of those books in the library that you can't love someone until you love yourself. I think that's kind of nonsense! Because, well, I don't love myself, exactly, but I love a lot of people here. Like you. If you were my sister... heck, I'd be happier than a sheep with a field full of the richest, greenest grass.
Stay safe, okay? And keep that boy of yours close. Don't make the mistakes I did.
You've lost so many people dear to you, and that I'm another one of those... I'm so sorry. You've suffered so much loss, and you've been able to keep your shoulders back and head held high, even if you don't think so. I admire you for everything you've done for everyone. You've been a mother to so many of us kids, and I'll certainly never forget how loving and kind and big-hearted you are.
I meant it at that last trial... everything I said about you. Even though you're a demon, you're much more than that. You're gentle and strong, and I know your Rika loves you dearly too. I wish I could have met her. Whatever's happened back home... I know you can weather it. And if things get real bad... maybe you could find a way to visit Watanuki or Orihime. I'm sure they'd love to have you.
Anyway... Thank you so much for being there for me. Part of me thinks I don't deserve it, such kindness! But you gave it to me without expecting anything in return. I wish I could've repaid you in kind, somehow. I can hear you now... saying something like, "Silly girl, you did more than enough for me. You didn't have to give me anything in return." That might be true, but I wanted to do something more. There are lots of things I wish I could've done: go back home, do what I needed to. Talked more with some people. Learned a few more skills. Made you a cake of creampuffs.
I wish I could've told you I thought of you as a mom.
Keep an eye on the kids for me, huh? One old lady to another.
So... I guess in the end, I was a pretty poor team member. I would've loved to go back to your world, to become a real member, but I guess things didn't work out that well. Still... I'm glad I could've been something more than the Saint, even for a little while.
Paint something really crude over the Wordsmith's profile, okay? For me, your girl, Vanille.
You told me to make sure nothing happened to me. I guess in the end, I was a really bad daughter. Maybe it's my fault, maybe it isn't... or wasn't, I suppose. Either way, I broke a promise, and I'll understand if you're mad at me. All that talk about everyone getting out... I really thought it'd happen. I really thought all of us would make a miracle.
Well... I still believe in all of you. I always have, and I always will, even if I'm not there to see it myself. If you all make it out of here, then that's good. You deserve it--all of you, even Mr. Wayne, who still scares me a little.
Do you have kids back home, Mom? I hope so. I hope you can get back to them, you and all your Pokebuddies. Tell Clefable and Lilligant I'm sorry for not being there to spoil them. You'll have to do it in my place.
I really did enjoy the time together... even if it was far too short. Be safe, okay?
I'm glad I was able to return that apron to you, before I died. I could tell it was real important to you, so I'm glad it's in its proper place.
I know I was a real crybaby, most of the time we knew each other and spoke. I'm sorry about that. Fang always said I took things too seriously and took too many things on myself. I didn't really realize it until this place, though. But you and everyone else made me feel stronger, even for a little while! So, thank you for that. I wish I could've learned more recipes from you. You'll just have to teach them to Orihime instead.
We didn't get into the real serious stuff... but that's okay. You're still my friend, and I hope you can get out of here. Especially with Orihime. I'm glad you two are giving it a go; you'll make each other happy, I know it. You should make her wear that apron--I bet it'll suit her great.
I know I never got you a plush... but there's one in my room that you can have. He's a chocobo, a white one, and he's on my bed. His name's Odin, named after a dear friend's companion, so take care of him for me, okay?
I hope you can find a home. Maybe with Orihime, or someone else you really care about. Just find somewhere that's good enough for the person you are, okay?
I wish we could've gotten to know each other more. But keep finding what you like. Foods, drinks, hobbies--work on your sewing hard! You'll get the hang of it, I know. And stay safe... okay?
So... I'm gone. I guess that's more than obvious, so it doesn't need to be said. But I wasn't sure what to open with. Yours is the hardest to write, I think. It's nothing to do with you... I just don't want to make you feel weird.
Anyway, I really do think of you as a friend. A buddy. I wish we could've fought bears together, since you were really excited about that. We could've found bears somewhere, I'm sure, even if Gran Pulse doesn't exist anymore. We could've made it happen, for sure!
What else to say... It really is okay, to let yourself feel things that you're not used to. In a way, you remind me of Lightning. She started out as cold and detached and unwilling to let herself get close to anyone or anything, but she opened up once she felt comfortable around her companions. (She didn't have a laugh like yours, for sure!) I'm not saying you absolutely have to do that, or emulate her... but I hope you don't close yourself off anymore. I don't know your past, and that's okay. But I do think you deserve friends, even just one here and there, even if it's not me.
You have a lot on your shoulders. I guess I like you so much because you remind me a lot of myself. But... don't make the mistakes I did. Open up to people here. Please. I don't want you to lose yourself in despair, like I did a lot.
Climb trees. Enjoy the fruit and veggies and take care of the plants in the greenhouse. Do your exercises. Drink lots of water. Be there for each other. But don't close yourself off, please.
And get out of here. I'm counting on you... but I'd never be disappointed, if anything bad happened to you or anyone. --Vanille
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Orihime
Do you remember that ghost story I told? It was true. All of it. Cie'th, they're real. I've seen them myself, had to fight them. I watched my friends become them, because Fang couldn't become a monster by herself. But Cie'th are born when a l'Cie fails their focus... so you should know that before I become Luxerion's Saint, I too was a l'Cie.
When I woke from my first crystal sleep, I did something horrible. Really terrible. Even though it worked out in the end, it still weighs heavily on my mind and my heart. This boy... I had to brand him. Make him into a l'Cie, with a Focus, just like me and Fang. I traveled with his Daddy, and I nearly died at his hand, but he refused to kill me, even after I made his son a l'Cie.
Things got a little better... but then they got worse. We fought a Fal'Cie, a god. And we won. But Cocoon was plummeting into Gran Pulse. Fang and I, we combined to make Ragnarok. We held up Cocoon, asleep inside the crystal pillar. And then I woke up again. I could hear the souls of the dead, and it was torture. The absolute worst form of torment I could ever imagine. But I could save them! I could bring them all salvation... if I sacrificed myself to do it.
I pushed Fang away, because I was stupid and foolish. She wanted to find a different way to do the Soulsong, but I refused. I realize now I didn't have to refuse. I could have kept Fang by my side, the only person who understood me. But... I didn't. And I regret it every day.
So, that's my story. It's a real doozy, huh? I'm sorry for piling all this onto you. I just don't want to keep secrets anymore. Secrets, lies, they're all too much. I've made too many, and I wish I could have gone back to make things right. I wish I could have gone to your home, to see it and see the place you love. And to meet all your friends! I bet they're really great, if they have someone amazing like you as a friend.
I guess... I told you all that because I know you're probably having those thoughts, still. Of being a burden. Of being useless, worthless. Heck, I think you're one of the strongest people here. People sometimes don't see their own strength, but the people they're closest to, who they love and are loved by in return, see it. I see it in you, from that speech you gave to Killidia to the little things. Friendship bracelets. A cup of tea. A meal. Anyway... leaning on people, that's not weakness. Having people to rely on, to turn to in times of need, that's never a negative thing. I hope you keep that in mind. I'm pretty confident you will.
I'm still working through a lot of my issues, and I read in one of those books in the library that you can't love someone until you love yourself. I think that's kind of nonsense! Because, well, I don't love myself, exactly, but I love a lot of people here. Like you. If you were my sister... heck, I'd be happier than a sheep with a field full of the richest, greenest grass.
Stay safe, okay? And keep that boy of yours close. Don't make the mistakes I did.
Love,
Vanille
Hanyuu
You've lost so many people dear to you, and that I'm another one of those... I'm so sorry. You've suffered so much loss, and you've been able to keep your shoulders back and head held high, even if you don't think so. I admire you for everything you've done for everyone. You've been a mother to so many of us kids, and I'll certainly never forget how loving and kind and big-hearted you are.
I meant it at that last trial... everything I said about you. Even though you're a demon, you're much more than that. You're gentle and strong, and I know your Rika loves you dearly too. I wish I could have met her. Whatever's happened back home... I know you can weather it. And if things get real bad... maybe you could find a way to visit Watanuki or Orihime. I'm sure they'd love to have you.
Anyway... Thank you so much for being there for me. Part of me thinks I don't deserve it, such kindness! But you gave it to me without expecting anything in return. I wish I could've repaid you in kind, somehow. I can hear you now... saying something like, "Silly girl, you did more than enough for me. You didn't have to give me anything in return." That might be true, but I wanted to do something more. There are lots of things I wish I could've done: go back home, do what I needed to. Talked more with some people. Learned a few more skills. Made you a cake of creampuffs.
I wish I could've told you I thought of you as a mom.
Keep an eye on the kids for me, huh? One old lady to another.
Love,
Vanille
Guzma
Paint something really crude over the Wordsmith's profile, okay? For me, your girl, Vanille.
--Vanille
Lusamine
Well... I still believe in all of you. I always have, and I always will, even if I'm not there to see it myself. If you all make it out of here, then that's good. You deserve it--all of you, even Mr. Wayne, who still scares me a little.
Do you have kids back home, Mom? I hope so. I hope you can get back to them, you and all your Pokebuddies. Tell Clefable and Lilligant I'm sorry for not being there to spoil them. You'll have to do it in my place.
I really did enjoy the time together... even if it was far too short. Be safe, okay?
Love,
Vanille
Watanuki
I know I was a real crybaby, most of the time we knew each other and spoke. I'm sorry about that. Fang always said I took things too seriously and took too many things on myself. I didn't really realize it until this place, though. But you and everyone else made me feel stronger, even for a little while! So, thank you for that. I wish I could've learned more recipes from you. You'll just have to teach them to Orihime instead.
We didn't get into the real serious stuff... but that's okay. You're still my friend, and I hope you can get out of here. Especially with Orihime. I'm glad you two are giving it a go; you'll make each other happy, I know it. You should make her wear that apron--I bet it'll suit her great.
Thank you, my friend,
Vanille
Jasper
I hope you can find a home. Maybe with Orihime, or someone else you really care about. Just find somewhere that's good enough for the person you are, okay?
I wish we could've gotten to know each other more. But keep finding what you like. Foods, drinks, hobbies--work on your sewing hard! You'll get the hang of it, I know. And stay safe... okay?
Your friend,
Vanille
Gangrel
Anyway, I really do think of you as a friend. A buddy. I wish we could've fought bears together, since you were really excited about that. We could've found bears somewhere, I'm sure, even if Gran Pulse doesn't exist anymore. We could've made it happen, for sure!
What else to say... It really is okay, to let yourself feel things that you're not used to. In a way, you remind me of Lightning. She started out as cold and detached and unwilling to let herself get close to anyone or anything, but she opened up once she felt comfortable around her companions. (She didn't have a laugh like yours, for sure!) I'm not saying you absolutely have to do that, or emulate her... but I hope you don't close yourself off anymore. I don't know your past, and that's okay. But I do think you deserve friends, even just one here and there, even if it's not me.
Your friend,
Vanille
Sportacus
Climb trees. Enjoy the fruit and veggies and take care of the plants in the greenhouse. Do your exercises. Drink lots of water. Be there for each other. But don't close yourself off, please.
And get out of here. I'm counting on you... but I'd never be disappointed, if anything bad happened to you or anyone.
--Vanille